My Trinity

There were three of them...R..............B........A..............I grew up with them.went to the same prep school,same high school..............and with one to the same college................but this is not really about reminiscing about school days...............There was only one thing common to all three of them...........they were extremely creative................i never even came close .....................but it was fascinating to watch...............even as a kid....................let me tell you a bit about the three as i know it . All of you who think you know them now may not believe me and i do not blame you for they are nothing like what they were once upon a time.

A was the quiet creator,painfully under control,maybe unaware of what he could be...........when he was solving a math problem or he was with a pencil and an empty canvass.................he got carried away...just for a few moments before he became bashfully conscious again............and if you were observant................you would see what i mean.

B was the confident first boy................always focused,the teacher's favorite.........what he lacked in brilliance he compensated with dilligence.It was difficult for me to really like him.......because i thought that he was too selfish just as all first boys are............but now of course i have changed my opinion..............because i know everybody is selfish.........and it doesn't have to be a bad thing.


And then there was R........embodiment of my first concept of brilliance........the most intelligent......and too careless about it.......he didn't care to belong..........something which infuriated people and this was precisely why they were drawn to him........you could be angry at him.............but you could never really hate him............and in the end you had to confess you loved him...........not because you could understand him.............but because you didn't.

Then high school was over and we all went our separate ways.............bound only by the past......
............it is hard to understand why things happened the way they did......it is easier to answer what happened.

A succumbed to control.........never to fully recover......all that remains of him are uncomfortable silences at the mention of his name when old classmates get together.
B took the path less traveled..............in a determined way.......like he had always been.
R the poet.........always living in a world............somewhere between our reality and his.............never fully being able to belong to either.............like he had always been.

I can't say if they are happy now............I hope they are...................even mad people deserve to be happy. But it's hard to tell of happiness.

We started out together...........and then diverged never to meet again................and now we are so far apart in every way possible.......it seems incredible even  to believe that we were ever together..........but we were................for ten years.......

Final analysis

The commie bastards face the music....................something that they themselves helped create 30 years back..................the die has been cast and Nandigram.........a small unobtrusive village in my part of Bengal has been called upon to stage a bloodied battle while a whole generation witnesses with awe that they still find in them capacity to revolt.........................and a page of history awaits the verdict of this bloody battle.
Who would have thought that some villagers would find in them the guts to stand up to the commie bastards? Inspire a state that had almost given upon itself.....................one can argue that it's unfair the cost of the inspiration was so bloody...........and i'll agree....but a battle is never about fairness..................it is about victory.
In the final analysis what is important that somewhere in the horizon.................there's a possibility of a better morning.....................anything for that.

anything............................

Missing Presidency ..............Again!

I am listning to Anjan Dutta and somehow i am transported back in time to Presidency College.............Going through the morning classes and after the fourth period going to the canteen...................endless cups of tea............me ,madhubanti,bonbon,souditi,tanmoyda,didi,madhurima,rito....................one incident i clearly remember...............we were talking as usual about everything under the sun from politics to shah rukh khan.............it was january..................a few days before milieu..............so a couple of ex students had come down and they were talking about the times they had in presidency.......................and there were these two first year students...............and they were talking about the injustice of the current left administration...what could be done to rectify it............one of them was so excited he actually pounded on the wooden desk to make his point....................and one of the alumni turned,looked and smiled................he must have seen something of himself five years back in that kid .................how all those ideals he had believed in so ardently had given way to more mundane and immediate concerns like salary,bad boss..............

now that he has some time.......................he is content just to reminisce.................it's like Bernard Shaw had said"the old soldiers carry chocolates and the young ones carry bullets".
That's what i don't love about growing up....................the urgent things takes precedence over important things..............but whatever urgent may not be most important..............

Miss all those things,the canteen,the Derozio building,baker building,geology rock,the bookshops,the frenzy before milieu,the disappointment after it was over......................in retrospect how could it have been so perfect?

Recollections

I woke up this morning..................................looked outside my window and it was all grey except for some yellow leaves.................i had to study............my exams are close.......but somehow i couldn't concentrate..............in fact this has been so for a few weeks now.................i am too tired to think why.........................i went out to College Mall...................had to get a blanket before the winter catches up..................now i have two and yet i feel cold.......................is it really the weather?it has to be.............then i chanced upon a black trench coat..................i tried it on.........................to nobody's surprise and least of all mine......................i looked pretty.........................so i bought it...............i knew i could have done without it...............................but at that moment i think i had to buy it.

I went to the post office to get stamps................i had to write those letters to mummum...................i was walking past this tree..................and i don't know why i was reminded of the path that i used to take from school to home.............i could see it as vividly as if i was walking on it.............i hoped that it hasn't changed much...................but of course i am wrong....i know it has......................it's been so long........................almost everything changes in 6 years....................

It's amazing when i think about how things happen.................think of all the probabilities that had to be multiplied for me to have come to this moment.it is infinitesimally small..............think how many things could have gone otherwise which didn't..................this can be traced back to infinity!so now that i have come to this moment it seems almost criminal to waste it.....................have to answer for so many wasted forces........................but i'll be damned if i know how not to waste it.

That day in my micro review class i could write down 4 lines of a poem which rhymed...............i was almost grateful that the lecture was so boring that i could think of those four lines.i rushed home and sat down to write some more....................but the words just wouldn't come..............it was a false alarm!

But i'll wait...................i know they'll come.they have to.The law of probabilities, however feeble, must hold.